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My child’s school recently starting enforcing this app at school. For some background, my daughter has HORRIBLE periods and pooping problems, so she goes to the bathroom quite often. When she has to go SHE HAS TO GO. Now that they’ve started enforcing this here SmartPass, my daughter has no time to clean herself up. The other day, when she was profusely bleeding out of her vagina on the toilet, she realized her time limit was up. My daughter didn’t know what to do but she knew her teacher would come in with a whip and whip her to death if she didn’t go back to class. So, she got up, blood and a little poopy still coming out of her, and pulled her pants up and ran to her class. She left blood on the doorknob because her hands were all bloody and she didn’t have time to wash them. This grossed out her class so much that they all started projectile vomiting at the same time, as well as the teacher. My daughter slipped in someone’s puke, screamed, and splashed in it. All the other teachers came to her classroom and started puking on her too. Moral of the story, my daughter still has puke in her hair and has been living with her therapist.

Before my son’s school started using this app, he was a good, patriotic, God-fearing boy. But now he has changed. It used to be every time he used the bathroom, he would also check his conservative, patriotic news sources. He would also preach good, American, and Christian values to the other boys in the bathroom. However, SmartPass has time limits for students to use the bathroom, so he no longer has enough time to pray and check patriotic news/preach the true values of the Founders and our nation. He has since come home and challenged our family’s values. I believe the leftist rhetoric and critical race theory that the public schools are teaching are getting to him (I wanted to send my son to a private, Christian high school, but my wife wanted him to get a taste of the city). My son now defies everything I do, hangs out with a different crowd, and might do God-knows what the liberals are telling him to do. But I don’t care anymore, because he is one of them now. Because of this app, I’m considering disowning my son (and possibly divorcing my wife, if she doesn’t agree).

When I downloaded it, the first thing that happened was I got a text from Stalin himself. I am a patriot and I love my country. The fact that he would even approach me to spread his treasonous ideals is abhorrent. I immediately sent him American feet pics to ward him off, but he persisted. Then, a number of communist blimps started floating over my house. I tried to shoot them down with a slingshot, but I ended up accidentally killing my young brother. I tried to get him to a hospital, but the ambulance driver turned out to be communist too, and drove into a tree. I tried to run, but they hunted me down like a dog. I hid in a kind old woman's tree house, and watched in horror as they burned her house down. This app has caused so much pain to so many people. As a patriot, it is my firm duty to do whatever is possible to protect the country I hold dear to my soul. This app makes us one step closer to oblivion. Help fight communism and protect our countries beautiful ideals by giving this app a 1/5 star rating. God save America.